Sunshine Too Brief


All Contents copyright of
Tazzy at

I'm a self-absorbed Bengali-Torontonian;
Fish comes to me raw, wrappend in seaweed, not cooked in curry;
I love watching thunderstorms and rain;
Sad endings make more sense to me than happy ones;
I hate empty walls.

In the News

Craving of the week-
Dark Chocolate
Reading List-
Midnight's Children
Movie review(out of 5)-
127 hours- *****
Buried- ****
That Girl in Yellow Boots- **
Love of the week-
Seeing James Franco
Aim for the weekend-
Watch 'Going Postal' The Movie

My Novella: Samosa for the Arranged Souls

Introduction & Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapters 3, 4 & 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 6 continues

Chapter 7 & Epilogue

  • May 2004
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  • July 2004
  • August 2004
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  • December 2004
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    First night

    Its the morning after....spending the first night at my own place.
    (haha you thought something else didn't ya?)
    How was it? - The move was fine, even with the rain. The whole family-9 people- fit quite well in my tiny place. I actually hung up a few things on the wall too. Overall I was too dazed and frankly too tired to notice too much.

    What I did do, right before I closed my eyes aroung 10:30, was the whole 'reciting Ayat-Al-Kursi(verse from Quran)and clapping three times to lock the house from evil' thing. The last time I resored to that, I was 12.
    Why start now? well, put it down to effect of the 'Dua'(prayer) we did earlier in the day with the family. Or the Calligraphed Kursi screen my dad put up on the wall, or my grandmother's tearful insistance that I 'be good' and pray atleast once a day. Or the fact that my parents are finally resigned to the fact that I will be living on me own and are beginning to accept my purpose for it - all of it left me feeling very 'responsible', 'mature', 'content' and yes 'good'. Finally after months, I didn't feel guilty about moving out of my parents. I also got a good portion of my 'Faith' back.

    My furniture was set; I had the necessary appliances (microwave,iron) at hand thanks to mom and Sim as well as new dishes from Appi; my cat was finally out from hiding in the closet all day (poor thing); and the fridge was full of my favourite stuff cooked by thoughtful family - biriyani,chotpoti and jilapi!

    Then my cat woke me up at 3am- visibly upset, acting lost, crying, scratching at the door- not pleased at all with being downgraded from a three floored house to a one room apartment. All my talks of 'independence', 'convenience of living in the big city', even the nice windows to look out of - completely lost on him. I had to stay up with him for two hours, offering treats, toys, hugs, kisses, even taking him in to the corridors to prove to him that my brother was not just outside the door. He even got me doubting my decision..that drasted thing...but only for 5 minutes. Finally he got tired of crying, I turned off the lights and went to sleep.

    This morning I woke up obviously late for work and with no cat in sight. I panicked until it hit me that he could not have escaped through the bathroon screen window. Then I noticed the bulge in the carpet. Tusch has spend the night sleeping under it!
    I lured him out and we had breakfast together- me sitting at the table and him under it. It was nice :D. I left the radio on for him and left for work. We'll be okay I think.



    I have named my car 'Princess'.
    Not out of some teeny-bopper girly trend of everything pink and fluffy.
    Not because her manufacturere was a royalty in any form (its a Honda Civic after all).
    Not because I've run out of names....I'm bad as it is in naming things....just look at my cat.
    No, I have named my car 'Princess' because she feels every pea-shaped bumps on the road and then tells me about it later.

    I was driving on the 401 last night and honest to God I thought my wheels had come off as I kept swriving onto the next lane traffic. Yes granted, 401 is not a road but a stretched speed bump under construction, but even on the smooth Bayview Ave, she was definitely 'feeling' it. She has gotten worse with her whining khatkhat and knahknah and kachkach too.
    Must marry the beautiful thing off soon when I can afford it.


    My Dependence

    I'm not sure what the bengali version of this poem is, but I must find out soon because through all the changes happening this summer- Tagore, again, has managed to put my mind at peace. Love him. :)

    My Dependence

    I like to be dependent, and so for ever
    with warmth and care of my mother
    my father , to love, kiss and embrace
    wear life happily in all their grace.

    I like to be dependent, and so for ever
    on my kith and kin, for they all shower
    harsh and warm advices, complaints
    full wondering ,true and info giants.

    I like to be dependent, and so for ever
    for my friends, chat and want me near
    with domestic,family and romantic tips
    colleagues as well , guide me work at risks.

    I like to be dependent, and so for ever
    for my neighbours too, envy at times
    when at my rise of fortune like to hear
    my daily steps , easy and odd things too.

    -Robindronath Tagore



    Last night Eshq found abandoned kittens near Cawthra and brought the live one home. Ofcourse I had to rush over to see him....this traumatized adorable 2week old tabby kitten with deep blue eyes, who wasn't eating anything. When I craddled him in my palm, he just snuggled up and fell asleep, waking up every few minutes to check I was still there. I just dont understand can they possibly be THIS irresponsible! If you dont want kittens why for heaven's sake won't you spay/neuter you pet???????? How could anyone leave them to die like that when they need their mother so much.
    We couldn't get Dusty Bunny(lol Eshq named him that) to eat and he kept trembling. So we took him to the emergency vet clinic where the techs got to force feed him some mushcanned food, at which point he found a taste for it and ate. Eshq's friend took him in for the night, coz it was too late for me to call the new work to stay home to feed him every 2 hours. I think he'll have a good home though with the friend's cousin in Scarborough.

    Interesting experience in all to find out that the emergency clinics in Canada for animals are EXACTLY the same as for people, i.e. long wait even if you are only person there, non-cooperative staff, tired docs etc, only it'll cost you $106 for the vet to tell you everything is fine.


    Best of 4 years

    Best(!) George Bush mispeak since he last got elected 4 years ago: "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

    Why the best?
    Coz he speaks the truth for the first time and through the right orifice too!



    Back to work and still thinking of the weekend...esp Saturday's party for Donna at Greg's cottage in Keswick.
    Had such a blast. As MP puts it, 'I'm the water baby'. I am totally in my element around water. Half a summer's day by it/in it/on it and I'm happy for months into the winter. It was just what I needed and to top all it off, Greg let me drive the boat around YEYYYY....understandably not while dragging the his friend on the tube though(which looked like so much fun, must try next time:)
    He is such a sweety, perfect boyfriend material (Donna the lucky lucky girl)....if only we could clone him ...with some Bengali genes as well, if there is such a thing.
    Don't get me wrong, I am all about erasing cultural boundaries.....but as we were all sitting around the campfire and Greg was singing 'Hotel California' on his guitar with everyone joining in....I was struck by how much more I would have enjoyed if it was Manna Dey's 'Coffe House er Adda' instead.
    Strange how these things hit one at odd moments.


    Internet Woes

    Its incredible how dependent one is on the internet these days. Just the thought of not having/being able to afford it when I move .......I get chills.
    Sure I'll have it at work, but thats till 5pm. After that? What if I need a number of a restuarant, look up movie timings, find my way around town, or I'm out of books to read, or look up recipe...what then? *moan* I dont need cable, but internet no matter what the cost, I must have it.
    Maybe I'll give up buying coffee in the morning.Yes! Thats it!.
    Lets see..right now I get it free at the Tims, but at the new place it would be-
    $1.35 Second Cup(coz Tims is so freaking slow)coffee in the morning + $1.05 Tim's tea in the afternoon = $2.45 per day
    Thats $12.25 per week
    With more than 4 work weeks per month, that works out to around ....ARGHHHHH $55 per month!
    Rogers Lite is $35 per month without cable !!
    Thats it, coffee has gotto go. I'll have to live with the instant stuff at home for emergency. I should give it up anyway. I suffer so during Ramadan :P

    Now all of this is dependent on the PC at home being fixed so I can take the laptop.....otherwise its starving for two month till I can afford my own computer.
    Please God let it be fixed. Please don't let me choose between food and internet connection.


    Murphy strikes again

    Why is it that when you want something bad and are 99% confident about achieving it, it lets you down. Can anything ever go right for once? Apparently not for me. (I find myself using that word a lot lately....apparently!
    A psychological manifestation of the uncertainity I'm feeling about the immediate future??!)
    Maybe I'm expecting too much too fast.
    *moan* I want to go back to my old job.
    The fact that payroll has messed up my pay at the new place doesn't help either. Ijots.

    On the bright side...MP is giving me her old VCR, no TV yet though(help anyone?)....found the perfect curtains and cushion covers....oh and mom is buying me either an iron or a microwave. YEY.


    Poem: Burkha (Hijab)


    Lord, my friend does not wear a burkha
    She says, those who are faithful
    They never look at a woman with evil eyes
    They gaze only with Allah's pure eyes
    Only the lechers and unfaithful shout for burkha.
    Let Allah put a blindfold on their impure sight.

    What is your judgment?
    Look, the tailor eagerly waits your answer
    Crafty business plans: he waits with scissors and cloth
    Waiting to turn on the sewing machine at your order.

    Think it over, not bad-- this idea of mine
    Men wearing sharp clothes, all the airs
    Even a prayer cap.
    But the imbecile walks with a black blindfold
    In the streets, not a burkha in sight
    But people easily see
    Who is the lecher and who is the faithful.

    - Farhad Mazhar


    This little piggy went to the market....

    and bought-
    1 Floor lamp
    2 Oven mitts
    3 towels
    12 glasses
    and 1 cute little ironing board

    Still to buy-
    1 bed
    2 curtains
    3 cutlery sets
    1 frying pan
    and 1 iron to go with the cute little ironing board


    Importance of having a kid brother

    -teaches you anything you ever wanted to know about any car at any given time
    -helps broaden your knowledge of funny/cool facial/spoken expressions
    -introduces you to silly jokes a la 'Yo Momma is so big...'
    -bikes anywhere to get you nailpolish remover ;)
    -helps you put together all the crazy homeimprovement jobs you think up to do
    -lets you feed him when you feel a binge coming on
    -takes part of the blame when parents are ranting
    -can be depended to bring up the one topic you have been avoiding in front of others
    -makes you believe you are the smartest person they have known
    -brightens up any day with his newly invented stupid joke of the day

    I have the best one around :D, and to think I had wanted a sister!
    I'm gonna miss having him around all the time.


    The complete set

    So on my way back from sushi with Ravi today, we walk into the little African crafts place on Kengsington thats closing down. I tell her I want to look at masks(everything being 20% off) to add to my collection (of two masks). Most are scary (even for me) or out of my current wallet's reach ($25+) when breath catches in my eye......right there in front of me.....the most spectacularly unique collection of ....earings! I'm sifting through them all, pausing only to ask Ravi how a particular one looks on me, and then canubeliveitohmygawd !! I find the perfect pair of shell-earings to match the shell necklace and ring I bought in Halifax! Yes its a set...finally.
    The other pair matches the top I was wearing.
    Somehow it all added up to $27 !! more than the mask I originally wanted to buy! :O
    Its okay okay.........I have been good for more than a month...I am allowed this digression.