Samosa for the Arranged Souls II
Chapter 2: The Call.
The uncomfortable feeling of knowing that you are marked for MAM comes no where near to the two-raised-eyebrows reaction of answering 'The Call'.
"A woman kept calling our house one summer asking for Mrs X and refused to leave a message with anyone. We put her down as a 'desi' telemarketeer until one day when she finally got hold of my mother and spoke to her for hours behind closed doors. We had forgotten all about it when my mother emerged with a smirk and revealed that this woman saw me performing at some cultural event and wants me marry some 'brother' of hers", 20 year old Swati reveals. "I was fifteen at the time!"
Being underage might have saved Swati from actually 'dealing' with wanna-be-match-makers, but not everyone is as lucky. In some cases these MAM makers have turned up at the house bypassing 'The Call' altogether wanting to hear from the lamb's mouth. Amidst talks of how the proposal is from a 'good family', this woman will call herself all modern and your friend asking for your preferences, even wink at you and say "why not just talk to him/her!"
Lets first clarify that discussing your 'list of qualities the guy/girl I love should have' with a woman of your mother's age whom you've never met, is about as pleasant as chewing on puke flavoured gum with tiny glass bits.
Now you could potentially take the 'good-brown-girl/guy' approach, blush profusely (the heat in the South-Asian countries helps a lot in this regard) while mumbling something about whatever your mother thinks is best and pray fervently that your mother is reading your mental nudgings under the table. OR you could be 'insufferable modern' and tell her to piss off and get yourself grounded for life. OR be all sweet but at the same time direct in communicating 'how bad this version of a blind date is' and still get her mad at you for being 'too modern'.
At this point, you might try your best to divert the tide, but I'm afraid the gates of hell, I mean marriage proposals, have opened, leaving you to only hope you don't hear 'The Talk' from your mother soon.
Chapter 3: The Talk (next time)