Remember back in January when I made four resolutions for 2009?
Yeah me neither.
(Hint for lazy ones-Look at #2)

Then over summer they came back to me-
-Become a size 8
-Get involved in more volunteer work
-Start a second blog on a totally different topic
-Acquire and keep three house plants alive in the new apartment

Well I'm pleased as a nectarine (coz I'm not crazy about peaches) to announce that by sheer coincidence I was able to cross out two of them at once!
Yep, I started volunteering for METRAC (The Metropolitan Action Committee on Violence Against Women and Children) and guess what I'm helping them with? Starting up and contributing to their Blog!

Check it out here!
Do give it as much love as you've given this space.
It is not your average organizational blog on sad feminist issues. The hope is to share 'stories and opinion on current issues, inform about METRAC’s innovative work and initiatives in Toronto and across Canada, and ultimately inspire involvement and action to make our world safer for women, youth, and children, safer for everyone.'
Don't forget to leave comments there and spread the word :)

On with mission #1 to become size 8, I have joined a boot camp(thanks to Isheeta for inspiration) for a month.
First class:
Time- Yesterday evening
Location: At a school compound in pouring rain and 8degrees Celsius!
Verdict: I was wheezing after one lap around the school and crying for my arms that were pathetically trying to do pushups. Not a pretty sight. Thank god for the lack of mirrors.
Still it was kinda fun doing it outdoors among a group of encouraging women, even the size 2 ones who were complaining about getting on the weight machine! Bitches.

Two out of four and it only took me 10 months!

PS: Sadly, mission #4 has been on hold since summer when I realized I don't like touching dirt. Even with gloves.




You remember how bad my cooking skills were four years ago right? Well its gotten better and infact I had been meaning to write (ahem boast) about what I learnt in the last four years about cooking. Then I came across 'Special K''s post about the challenges of 'cooking for one'. Apparently chefs "cite measuring obstacles, portion doubts, paring problems and presentation apathy". I have been 'cooking for one' for about 5 years now and comparing to making meals for a family when I was living with the parents, I couldn't agree more. Not only is cooking for one hard, but so is grocery shopping. I have lost count of how many times I have had to throw out veggies I bought in a bout of inspiration, until a friend suggested makign veggie stock to freeze and use it for soups later. That didn't work out so well but now I just know how much to buy for a week and also stock up the pantry with things that are quick to prepare but also healthy. Being near so many fresh fruit/veggie vendors help of course. I also had to learn how to plan most of the meals (lunch and diner) for the week so I only have to cook all of it once and still account for dinner out with friends.

As a part of K's challenge to write about 'what you eat or crave eat when you eat alone', here's a ME meal that I make often as its easy to prepare and a comfort dish for me.
It is a Bangladeshi dish called 'Khichuri' which means 'hodge podge of things'. It is commonly prepared during rainy days when no one feels like spending hours in the kitchen or going out to buy fresh grocery. It can be made with stuff at home and reminds me a lot of my childhood when rainy days meant quality time with the parents and siblings- playing board games and enjoying quiet times.

Recipe:

2 cups of Basmati Rice
1 cup of split orange lentils
1 cup onions chopped
2 green chillies (split in half)
1 tsp cumin powder
1/3 tsp turmeric powder
1/3 tsp red chili powder
1 tsp chopped garlic
Salt (little more than just to taste)

Mix everything together in a rice cooker pot and add 6 cups of water. Cook until the rice is more on the 'mushy' side. Serve hot with a side of an omelet prepared with sliced onions and green chillies. Some people like it with a dash of clarified butter on the rice, I don't. I make a quick tomatoes-onion-crushed red chili flakes-olive oil salad to go with it. The sweetness of the tomato really goes well with the spiciness of the dish, even though spicy food is probably my biggest weakness. Its easy and can be made within 20 minutes for a healthy and hearty meal for one. You can even add veggies to the rice and cook it all in the same pot if you want to make it a even filling meal.



(I had some left over beef curry to go with the Khichuri this time :)




Didn't think it was possible to catch up on 5 seasons of a TV show in the course of two months, but yep, I did it. All 103 episodes of it. Online streaming.

"Lost" was THAT good.

It is not just an incredibly scripted storyline that is easy to get obsessed about. It also epitomises popular archetypes and real-world issues that are more tangible than a 'love triangle. Yes, I do realise that all this makes me sound like all the millions of sci fi Battlestar Gallactica fans who say nutty things like "its just not about space travel", but I don't care. Its smart, action packed, mysterious, angst filled, scary, puzzling, sad and ofcourse has all the 'romance stuff'...packed packed in just the right amount. The storyline does get madcap right around the fifths season with ancient gods travelling through time, just to buy a 8 year old a 'New Kids On the Block' lunchbox so she doesn't steal it. But the thing that keeps it all afloat that the creators are very aware of how madcap it all sounds and and are having so much fun doing it because they are as equally obsessed with the show as its viewers.

I don't think the creators of Lost intend it to be this way, but one of my favourite 'lesson' of the show has to be
- just how many times we can be wrong about a gut feeling of 'This was meant to be!'.
I seriously never noticed how often we think (or may be just me) like that.

Locke thinking that "crashing on the Island, finding the hatch, pushing the button , the Island choosing him to lead the Others ...all of it were meant to be" and repeatedly being knocked over the head with "No! you dolt, you were wrong" signs might be fantastic fiction but none of us have to crash a plane on a time travelling island to do that. Seeing the same person around the city twice in the same month could have us scratching our heads and thinking we are fated to be married under the stars when the person might be the Mad Hatter!
The incredible part is that just like the rest of us, Locke and all the Oceanic people just pick them selves up and forge ahead with the next harebrained plan, no matter how many times their 'gut feeling' just kicks them in the shin.
How can you resist watching it?

January 2010 could not come sooner!

PS: Lost also has the most kickass Time Travel theory that I've ever seen in fiction!
PPS: Did I mention the insanely hot, shirtless testosterone loaded bodies in the show that are running in and out of the water, dashing throug the jungle, contemplating getting rescued and growing a scuffy but kinda hot beard? Consider yourself warned. The women are just as equally hot..but not shirtless ofcourse...just the right amount of tanktop/bikini tops over jeans combo to keep the guys interested.
PPPS: AAh "Jack, how misunderstood and beautiful you are"




As of today, I'm exactly 31 years and 1 month old.
You'd think I'd be 'essentially freaking out' by now.
You would be right.
A decade ago I'm not sure, if even I, had planned to be 31, single and still without a 'goal in life' to speak of. But here I am, exactly that but somehow not 'freaking out'. Is that an appropriate response?
Its not that I'm calm or content. Definitely not that. I am more 'accepting of difficult situations and people as natural process of life' and less 'God hates me and thats why he's putting me through this.' Its not maturity as such. I am just less naive and a little more gutsy now than when I was at 21 and opefully a little more capable of handling chaos. Is that how most women feel in their 30s? or are they supposed to wish they were 20, which I definitely don't?

Sure, I look back to my 20s with fondness and little nostalgia. At the same time, I just wish when I was, say 21, someone had told me these 7 things to save myself some precious time and wasted energy.

1. You are at least ten times prettier and thinner than you think you are.
I say this , not to sing my own praise but, out of a very objective analysis of these pics of me with my friends. Even with unfortunate fashion sense, we look beautiful and radiant with a glow that only a 21 can have without makeup or done up hair. I vividly recall how obsessed I was about my weight and thinking it to be the ONLY reason guys were not falling over themselves to ask me out. Clearly it was not so. I wasn't skinny but you know I wasn't as fat as I thought I was either!

2. If you don't have it all yet, pretend like you do.
I'm talking about faking confidence. All those jobs that I didn't apply for or dates I didn't go on because I thought I wasn't knowledgeable enough or interesting enough, all I had to do is pretend that I was and not be nervous or afraid. Believe that I am capable. A few times of pretending and you know what? It disappears!

3. Take care of your skin and hair every single day.
"Make sure you remove the day's makeup every night, get facials and use oil treatments for hair at least once a month",my mother used to say. She might have been wrong about the benefits of toner (none) but she was right about the rest!

4. Wish you could learn to dance or ride a bike? Start now! Its NEVER too late.
This one holds true for all ages. At 21, you are quite self-conscious and worried that your friends will think you are lame. So you pass out on so many opportunities to learn things outside your school curriculum, some of it even offered for free! I have lost count on the number of times I hesitated in front of postings on dance classes by the athletic centre or camera club meetings at the Hart House. I should have just gone in!

5. Pay attention to your body. If you feel ill and you know you don't have a physical reason to be, you are probably in a situation that you shouldn't be.
We underestimate the importance of emotional health in this society. You might be able to ignore what your mind and/or your friends and family are saying about a bad situation for a while. But if its making you unhappy for a long time, eventually your body will start to show it and you will not be able to ignore it.

6. Feeling impatient and not being very nice to people ? You just need a snack.
This one is just like #5 only on a smaller scale. It could be just me but I'm beginning to think its a woman thing. Irritability not because of PMS but low blood sugar. It doesn't have to be a meal, just some sugar for your brain cells cause they are tired. Now I keep a cereal bar or gum with me at all times.

7. Your parents were wrong. Friends ARE as important as family.
Like many other opinions of theirs about career goals (What can you do with a Biology degree!) this one was very wrong as well. Great friendships are something to treasure and who says you can't be friends with your family as well?!

Notable mentions
- Being all girly/woman is not as sign of weakness.
- You can't be good at everything
- Dating is not for finding 'The One' but to find out 'if you are The One for someone'

Pearls of wisdom ? Hardly.
But you know, it would have helped!





The folks from BRAC informed me about an inspiring, tell-all book about their evolution of that is coming out this April. The book is called ' Freedom from Want' , available to pre-order through Amazon and looks quite interesting.
BRAC is an anti-poverty organizations Bangladeshi organization and well known most Bangaldeshis. They do some amazing work on the grassroots level in Bangladesh in their efforts to eradicate poverty and encourage traditional craftsmanship as a means of income for women living below poverty line. Unlike the Nobel Prize winning Grameen Bank, the microcredit giant, its cousin BRAC is barely known outside the country. Even in Bangladesh the extent of BRAC's work is most commonly noted through its shop AARONG that sells traditional Bangladeshi ware through sponsorship of craftsmen/women. Their products are available here though the Ten Thousand Villages.

Author Ian Smillie of Freedom From Want predicts the spread of BRAC's work dwarfs any other private, government or non-profit enterprise in its impact on development, on women, on children and on thousands of communities in Asia and Africa. I had only heard of BRAC's work in Bangladesh, so I would be quite interested to know how its spread to Africa!

Excerpt from Amazon:
Freedom From Want traces BRAC’s evolution from a small relief operation indistinguishable from hundreds of others, into what is undoubtedly the largest and most variegated social experiment in the developing world. BRAC’s story shows how social enterprise can trump corruption and how purpose, innovation and clear thinking can overcome the most entrenched injustices that society can offer. It is a story that ranges from distant villages in Bangladesh to New York’s financial district on 9/11, from war-torn Afghanistan to the vast plains of East Africa and the ruins of Southern Sudan. Partly an adventure story, partly a lesson in development economics, partly an examination of excellence in management, the book describes one of the world’s most remarkable success stories, one that has transformed disaster into development and despair into hope.

In the words of its author Ian Smillie, “The book is about social enterprise – not neat ideas that can never be replicated. It is about inspired innovations in health, education, agriculture and income generation that contribute to lasting change for tens and hundreds of thousands of people. It is about individuals who see challenge where others see only hopelessness, people who see opportunity where others see peril.”




E-books into PDAs, iPhones and Ebook Readers.
You've heard the buzz and no doubt even checked it out.
When you first think about it- its kinda cool!! Having watched the movie recently, I was able to 'legally' read the entire short story of 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button' online (which is infinitely better than the movie, check it out) and happy to have discovered it. At the same time, there's something vaguely off putting about the whole thing, that I hadn't felt with online music which I had welcomed with open arms.

Sure we have the technology for e-books and it might be convenient in ways vending machines are; but does it automatically make it a good idea? Vending machines are for snacks, not for a meal (unless you are starving college student) and even those snacks are not something that is good for you all the time. It was weird to think that this this e-book hype might actually take off and publishers would consider it as a serious alternative for readers like me who happen to spend an inordinate amount of time in front of a computer screen! I mean sure, I see it's appeal for anyone who has complained of carrying around even a paperback copy of 'A Suitable Boy' or the entire edition 'Lord of the Rings'. I get it! They are heavy! I might just LOVE curling in with a big book over a weekend but not everyone does. At the same time, surely not everyone wants to carry their really expensive PDAs to the beach or the pool on a vacation, do they?! (if you do, I'm sorry but you are a sad sad person).

Maybe its not such a big deal, I thought. They are just options for people to consider. I didn't properly get the 'bigger implications' of this technology, until I came across someone who put it most 'effectively and eloquently'.

Toronto novelist Shaun Smith writes in his blog :

"The grand mystical puzzle tormenting every MBA suit in the publishing industry is how to capitalize on e-books without fucking themselves the way the music industry did.......the suits don't care about books they just want to find a portable interface that people will buy en masse. Then, just as is now the case with music, rather than buying an object—a book—you will buy participation in an agreement. Rather than having something on your shelf in your den that you can pick up and materially call your own, you will have a license to interact with a digitized version of someone else’s intellectual property. You won’t own books, you will own contracts."

"With the enthusiastic help of the profit hungry, the internet and computers are muscling their way between those two, slowly prying the printed word away from the page. From this one can imagine a bizarre Borgesian future in which all books are blank."

What a frightening prospect!! Please someone stop it! Not all technology needs our money!









Where do we, men and women, start to understand anything about the other side. When do we begin to talk to each other like regular human beings, accepting warts, all the while being true to ourselves? Can we ever let our guard down? If yes, should we?

Dating is, I’ve come to realize , all smoke and mirrors.
Sure we all have our neuroses but in reality, I think you should hold off displaying it openly until the end of the first month of dating. Example of unacceptable quirks- Texting, calling, emailing every day after a great first date, bringing home a date when you haven’t cleared out the plush-toys on your bed (goes for women and men), showing you are cheap or ready to have babies tomorrow etc.

‘Be true to yourself’- its tempting advice, but misplaced. There’s nothing wrong with being yourself, but at the same time its probably more sensible to not jump to the conclusion that the other person understands you completely and your quirks, just because you’ve had a few great conversations. No sense thinking up the first dance song at your future wedding and buying new matching underwear just because he fits the ‘list, girls!

The best way to date I think is - anticipate the worst, while preparing for the happy ending. It will keep you sane and optimistic at the same time. Optimistic how? Well, you can tell yourself that you will gain valuable insight about yourself and what you are looking for, regardless of if the date turns into a relationship.

One thing that strikes me as quite odd though is, when did 'hanging out with friends' and ‘working out’ get categorized under ‘interests’? Being fit, just like having friends to hang out with, should be a necessity not a hobby.
Playing sports = an interest
1.5 hours of cardio= a routine tune up, just like flossing and cleaning behind your ears. It doesn’t make you an interesting person.
The sheer number of people without an 'outside work' interest is seriously mind boggling. I'm not saying you have to be out there saving children in the slums or climb the CN tower on a regular basis, but come one...even collecting Thundercats figurines will do.

Happy dating in 2009 to all us single folks!




For 2009, I have the usual resolutions to lose weight, do something productive like volunteering and writing etc, but couldn't think of anything new until now. But I need all your good vibes for this one.

Wait

For

It

"I want to adopt three house plants and make sure they live to see January 2010"

Why the drama? Well, you might not know this but I have the blackest of thumbs. Meaning- not only do I kill off any plants that I'm held responsible for, but even plants that I offer as gifts to others! My problem is that I just never remember to water plants - if only they could make sounds and drag me to the watering jug like Tusch does when his bowl is empty. I've had a strict rule for avoiding nursaries and telling my parents to never leave me in charge of their plants.

Now my apartment has these beautiful windows and corners that will be perfect for plants which is making me rethink. A new year means doing something new for me. So I will attempt to raise three plans and not kill them. I'm thinking of naming them -
I figure if I can remember to water one, I can do three at once.

If anyone has any suggestion for plants that are easy to take care of and not poisonous to cats (in fact not attractive to cats period)- please please please leave me a comment!
Thanks and pray for my three future plant babies!




Best thing about 2009 so far has been my move into a cute downtown apartment with a fantastic view! This time I actually have some matching furniture (thanks Soph) and I'm still reeling from the shock. But it comes with a price, coz I'm really missing my mother (I know, total loser).. hoping she's doing alright with a totally empty nest.

I have also given up on making sense of what all the awful BS of 2008 meant and just hoping 2009 is even marginally better. So here's the transition in nines-

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Watched 9 naked boys, singing and dancing on stage (no not that kind of a show, it was a Broadway musical!)

2. Did you make any new year’s resolutions that you actually intend to keep in 2009?
I'm hoping to be a size 8 for my birthday. To achieve it I've put both myself and my cat on a diet! I can't bear to find out just how much I've gained, but poor Tusch had quite the difficulty fitting in his carrier for the move. I'm also once again resolving to get involved in more volunteer work. Lastly, I want to start a second blog on a totally different topic.

3. What countries did you visit last year?
United States (twice)

4. In 2008, what was the best book you read?
Its hard to say which one I liked better, but I loved Miriam Toews's "A Complicated Kindness" and Rabindranath's "Home and the World"

5. What was your favorite film of 2008?
"Amal" *update: and"Wall-E"

6. Do you hate anyone now that you did not hate this time last year?
Yes and I'm still trying to forgive.

7. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
b) thinner or fatter?
c) richer or poorer?
Sadder, fatter but richer thanks to living at home and saving.

8. What did you get really, really, really excited about last year?
Obama winning the US elections

9. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A positive perspective

What would be your answer to#9?




Rachel Getting Married

If I was still the type of girl to take things personally, I would like to slap the pretentious TIFF reviewers who are recommending this movie and sprouting lines like how it was Anne Hathaway's potentially Oscar-worthy performance.

To me this was a movie that was made for the sake of making a movie.
It was shot like a home video which I'm guessing is suppose to make us delve into the movie and become part of it. Here's what I got out of it.
"oo look at us - we are a dysfunctional family.
Oooo pity our 'impossibly-affluent-suburban-problems'.
Look we are 'progressive' WASPs, we like world music, have interracial marriages and wear sarees for the wedding for no apparent reason at all.
Btw again did you notice all the different types of music and famous musicians we brought it at the 'rehearsal dinner'....no? here is it again , extended edition, at the wedding."

Waching the movie was like attending an incredibly boring wedding where you are not allowed to leave early with an excuse of work. There is no alcohol to make it more enjoyable into and you can't even dance as you are glued to the chair and forced to watch others dancing.

As for Hathaway's performance, it was basically your run off the mill I-didn't-look-pretty-I-squinted-to-show-how-tormented-I-am-did-you-notice-how-unlikable-my-character-was-so-would-you-hurry-up-with-the golden-statue? Or maybe because I don't think she's all that of an actress.

**/***** for the shock effects of raw displays of emotions within a family.

Amal

Amal must be sleeper hit of TIFF cause I definitely did not come across much publicity reviews for this Canadian first feature. At first I read the outline for it, I wasn't terribly interested seeing it at theaters. Then by chance I heard about a free screening recently at the AMC Dundas SQ from Volunteer Toronto, who were also bringing in the director for a Q&A after the movie. Curiosity made me drag a friend and we were equally surprised by how much we loved this movie and how impressed we were by the director, Richie Mehta, a 28 year old Indo-Canadian director from Sheridon College who gives Deepa Mehta(no connection) a serious run for her fame...err movies. It was hard to believe that Amal was his first feature film.

I think Amal is a testament to why movies are still considered a creative art.
The movie didn't try to bank its success by pandering to Bollywood style visuals of Slumdog Millionaire (which was great but too Dickensonian for my liking) and it also didn't portray Oriental India in the 'oh look at those poor people! I'm so glad I'm not living there' way particularized in 'Water' and 'Born in Brothels.' There were a lot of questions and comments from the audience after the movie but lets just say it didn't evoke a typical "Oh the movie was so colourful" type of responses from your average western(*cough* white) section audience.
It just told a story in its simplest form, almost like a fable. Without going into details, Amal is a story about a rich man leaving all his wealth to a poor man- a story you could easily run into in 'Arabian Nights'. If you want to delve deeper than that, I would say it a movie that questions what it means to have a successful life in the 21st century.

As the director pointed out, fables are powerful because they are universal it their message and it especially works this movie because it is filled with the kind of details that takes a simple story to something larger and makes India represent any other country in the world.
Acting was excellent and the characters were well drawn out without falling into stereotypes.
Richie Mehta is definitely an up and coming Indo-Canadian director to watch out for.

*****/***** for successfully pulling off a heartfelt story with perfect casting.


Religulous

Its a mocumentary at its best. In typical documentary fashion but a bit extreme as it is selective of its 'real life subjects' and it is very carefully edited to clarify a message.
The Message- have doubts. i.e. be agnostic.
I found the movie 'sinfully' hilarious!

Bill Maher deliberately picks the side of every major religion that is supremely ridiculous-
-the Evangelical preachers wearing $2000 suits,
- the builders of 'holy land' complete with plastic 'Jesus killing Jews' sword souvenirs for the kids,
- Jewish scientists who try to construct elaborate mechanical deviced to make daily life possible at Sabath...like pushing a button to make a phone call,
- the fanatical Muslims calling for death to infidels,
- the Mormons and
- even a narcotic-spiritualist.

One may call them stereotypes but they are vital to Maher's argument which is -
' if these ridiculous believers originate out of the same religion that moderate believers do, then there's something wrong with the religion. You cannot take things in parts or interpret things in parts using circular logic'.
He might be preaching to the choir as the core audience of Religulous is agnostics and atheists.
Should even a moderately religious person decide to see the movie , I dont think it will not change his mind. Believers will only disregard this movie as being ridiculous for playing into stereotypes. I think Maher knows it.
Which makes me think this movies is is not meant to be message- this is a product that Maher is marketing. Agnostics like me will buy the DVD because its perfect for our satirical minds. Maher will get a comeback.
So basically, if you are not religious- you'll like the movie

****/***** for originality of effort




There comes a time in one's life when a flap jaw like me is rendered speechless. It happened a few days ago when I received a surprise delivery from Purolator. The gift is currently gracing my bookshelf and I still can't quite believe it-



Yes- that's my poor attempt at a novella "Samosa for the Arranged Souls" in print!
Inside are the most beautiful introductory sentences written by the editor, who incidentally is my oldest best friend Sakina.

She (plus her hubby Mustafa, a fantastic man) got it published without my knowledge right in Kuwait and what can I say except that I'm humbled. That she thinks me worthy of such a thoughtful labour of love, is a true testament of her exceedingly generous spirit.
Thank you for wrapping up your love and sending me strength when I truly needed it.
All I can do from here is send up a prayer into the world for more Sakinas- my own Obama of hope. The world needs more of you!




(Warning: one of the long ones)

When did this change happen?
How did we, as a society, come to terms with the possibility of a loveless marriage and divorce but not a marriage-less life?

I do not have the expertize to theorizing about society but I can tell you how it happened to me. It happens when one forgets that- one owes it to oneself to be loved by someone one wants wholeheartedly, not whom one merely tolerates because one is afraid of being single forever.
So post 'horrible breakup' (which I wanted, just not with so much drama) of last year I started questioning myself- "Why did this happen to me?" and ended with "What do I want in a guy?".
Then I threw myself into looking for someone by actively dating, with the reasoning that I have the capacity to love and be loved in return.

Looking back, I am glad I actively changed my outlook about men (i.e. they are not all odd!), improved on my looks, did get asked out and then go on as many dates as I did with as many varied guys. It was fun to dress up and find out interesting bits about people who are sorta similar but also so different from me. The attention was nice even when the results were not that great. Dating gets exhausting after a while with constantly communicating with people when you clearly don't see any future with them. However the mission was accomplished.
I do have the answer for "What I want in a guy".
And no, I'm not listing it here.
I've also decided to stop dating.

Not to say that I've stopped looking or that I'm vowing spinsterhood. But I am, for the first time, proud to say that I'm reveling in my singlehood.

Finally, with the lessons from dating, I am excusably carefree of the advice of others about 'how to find the one' because I've done them all and deaf to the "oh stop being picky and you'll find someone" sentiments abundant around me. I would still love to, one day, meet a guy with whom I can foresee future . But it is only one of the many things to happen in my life, which will one day give me things to reminisce about when I'm 85 and playing AI scrabble at the old-folks home, sitting in a room with slightly smelly old couches.

I welcome that future room as its unavoidable with age induced physical incapacity.
Then it occurred to me - in the meantime I had been erroneously constructing another room with interesting things to fill up time while waiting for life to start. That is not how it should be!

Life has already started and I'm still physically capable of roaming outside.
Its a good start that I've built lasting friendships, cultivated some interests and created a 'bucket list' (with a lot of things checked off already). But I've yet to passionately pursue something which will not only round up my understanding of life but sharpen it. I want to move beyond self-preservation to self-realization. A touch of infinite, as Tagore will say. My mark in the world that is uniquely me, outside of my relationship status.

I don't have the details figured out, but I have a start.

PS: If I fail, I ask this of my friends. When I die (esp if my organs cannot be of use), plant a couple of trees in a corner somewhere to make a fantastic reading spot for someone! (I'll leave the money in my Will)




- Another 'message' from a 'chair'

- Last 'written' poem of Tagore:

The sun of the primal dawn
Had asked
Of the new creation of the eternal
Who are you--
He had no reply.

Eons went by,
The last sun of the day's ending
Asked his last question
At the end of the western seas
In the silent evening,
Who are you--
There was no reply.

- Translated again by Dipak Mazumdar in 'A Poet's Death'




I was a cynic
...thank you Obama for giving me back hope.

You were exactly what I had wished for four years ago 'here'.
I just never believed it would happen and esp with a political leader- people are funny..esp American voters. But it did happen! And how our generation needed it.

Please stay safe and remember to surround yourself with the right people.

*showers Tim Bits from the top. *




Reminiscing about a time....

When we searched for the
Perfect pens to write in diaries,
Happiness was
Creating the perfect mixed tape,
When red roses were small enough
To be pressed between pages, and
Betrayals were forgotten
In a clever greeting card.
When emotions
Were raw
But
Dreams
Held
Promise.




"In the heat of the midday sun
Burns the lonely afternoon with no people.
I sit staring at the empty seat
but there is no hint of solace.
Its heat overflows with pain,
Words of despair rise like a plaintive dirge.
It speaks of emptiness, its voice brimming with pity,
We do not know its essence.
Like the dog which has lost its master, gazes in bewildered sadness--
Barks incessantly with uncomprehending pain--
Does not know what happened, why it happened,
Searches all round, night and day, with defeated eyes.
The voice of the chair is desperate and pleading,
It defines the sorrows of emptiness
The dumb sadness of the loveless rooms. "

- Tagore's poem 'Sheshlekha'
(Translated by Dipak Mazumdar in 'A Poet's Death')

Tagore wrote this poem at his sickbed, only three months before his death in 1941. It speaks about his confusion and bewilderment at his own accomplishments at the ripe age of 80 years. The man started his creative career at the age of 8 and in the last 10 years of his life alone, made 2000 paintings and wrote over 2000 poems on top of his novels, novellas, short stories and essays. Still he felt unfulfilled and depressed. Where does that leave the rest of us?

I thought of my sister as I read this poem how I've lost her not through death but through circumstances. If this is how I feel at 30, what awaits at 80?

- From 'Daily Dose of Imagery'

In an effort to make postings more regular, I'll take the lazy way....

Hump-Day fill in:

1. I enjoy __Coffee__.

2. _Success_ is something I wonder about often lately.

3. In your heart, I knew __that he wasn't the one___.

4. Take __appreciation__, add a little __sarcasm__ and you end up with _a witty conversation__.

5. Life has gifted me with ___a great support system______.

6. __Drinks on the patio with friends__is an instant vacation.

7. And as for the rest of the week, tonight I’m looking forward to __a book club meeting ___, for weekend, my plans include __salsa dancing to celebrate a birthday___ and Sunday night, I want to __catch up on my readings for the course but instead I'll be going to the Arnab concert by Drishtipat___!









I might not be a fan of her writing much but this article by Margaret Atwood screams to be read, whether you openly claim to be the lover of arts or not.
So Go on and click




In the last four months of a year is when I usually start to plan for the next year's travel destination. You know, juggle a few options, look at the savings account, discuss with friends about who else is interested etc?
This year there were mostly weekend trips which worked out perfectly- New York City, Montreal and California.
Places that apparently totally fit my travel profile!

From World66-
Your Travel Type: Jet Set

"A visit to a museum or an art gallery in the morning, an afternoon of shopping, dining out in a good restaurant and some drinks and a little party to end the day, the Jet Set traveller likes a full day.

Although he is quite active he is not the type to do any outdoor sports. When he has to walk a few blocks, he takes a cab. The Jet Set traveler is not much of a nature lover. "You mean the green stuff my parents have in their backyard?"


top destinations:
Paris
New York
Las Vegas
stay away from:
North Korea
Ciudad Perdida
Darien Gap

Pretty cool eh? Mostly accurate too except I do like nature, just so long as its interspersed with some concrete buildings and comfortable beds.
For next year I am thinking a weekend trip to Las Vegas but also India or Spain for a few weeks.

What's your own travel profile?




...for breakfast.

Barely a week into declaring election dates and already Mr Evil-Eyed is posing with some sick child on the cover of Toronto Star, demanding families vote for him because he plays a game of cards with his children, not to mention the tax cut for gasoline freshly declared this morning (ooooo big surprise there Harpy.....not!).
I mean they are not even trying to be subtle or ingenious with the campaigning, are they?
Why even bother with this pretense of election, just give him the bloody majority government. Atleast it'll save the government some money!

Everyone knows the only reason Harper called for a election barely three years into his 'rule', is because he saw who his opponent would be- Mr. Pasty-faced-Pretentious-Dion.
Sure, Layton would have been an great one but as if NDP is ever going to gain a majority in this country (provincially-sure, federal- no), no matter how many people I convince to vote for him.
Dion can froth in the mouth with screams of 'save the environment with a carbon tax', he'll still comes across shifty and weak to the baby boomers, especially amidst all the recent predictions of economic doom. Ofcourse Harpy will prevail.

Jottoshob (Bloody stupidness)!
Why even bother being all excited about Obama's potential future down south when Harpy here gets to have some more Canadian soldiers killed off in Afghanistan.
Not that I think Obama is going to win either. Along with Time magazine, Obama and his family were featured on the cover of People , GQ, Vanity Fair, Men's Vogue and Rolling Stone- when had that ever happened? Anyone whom the media plays up that much and for that long is bound to come crashing down. One doesn't have to be a pessimist to predict it either. Plus, middle America is still sees 'colour' and forget American bigots, even people in South-Asia think Obama is Muslim. The poor man doesn't stand a chance no matter how noble and eloquent he appears (and probably is) in his speeches.

But atleast, the American people have some semblance of hope until Election results come out. We don't even get bloody that.

Ugh.
This is too depressing.
Must check out the red carpet gallery pics of the VMA awards again.




Its Sunday night and my mother and I are watching some random show on WTN(Women's Television Network)-

Mom: "Do you know Ellen (pronounced Allen)?"
Me: Err... "yeah"
Mom: "You know? She is very funny and talks really nice, has a show on TV."
Me: "Yes mom, I know who Ellen is. She is a comedian."
Mom: "Do you know she's gay?"

*pin drops and Tazzy realizes her mother actually knows what homosexuality is! Sure she's not on the ball with the lingo but wow she's actually mentioned the word. Am so proud. *

Me: "Yeah. She just got married to a woman recently"
Mom: "Yes. I know. I used to really like her and her show. She was so happy and outgoing and talked so well. Then I saw her wedding pictures on a magazine. Why would she do that? She used to be such a nice person"

*Tazzy realizes pin is actually to burst bubbles*
*Mom is looking confused, but thankfully not upset or disgusted*

Me: "Mom, just because she is gay doesn't mean she isn't a nice person or can't run a great show."
Mom: "No, she isn't normal. That isn't normal. Why would she want to be that? I use to like watching her show!! "

*Now at that point, Tazzy could tell her that being gay isn't what someone chooses, its what someone is, but I didn't want to preach or argue. But rather have her reason it out on her own time. A couple of young guys are going to 'come out' soon enough in our community, she needs to be prepared, and not with sticks and stones*

Me: "You can still like her show and her, Mom. Even if she's gay. She is still the same person."

*Mom gives a dubious look and goes back to her stitching*

---------------------------
Wow, not bad.
I had heard of homosexuality 14 years ago living in the Middle East and I took three years after that to accept that its perfectly 'normal'.
I'd say mom is making progress.

PS: Don't be hating my mom now. Her reaction is probably generic of most South-Asian parents. Not just parents, in some cases.




"When are we ever going to get some proper summer. Why is it cold?"- Me, in Toroto
"Err..you had summer days. Remember you complained about how hot it was"- Sim, in California
"Oh yeah"- Me

Tazzy's reason why we havn't had a proper summer in Toronto:
Following the most ridiculous trend since printed tights, stupid 20 something girls keep wearing ugly boots and Keffiyeh scarves in the middle of July! I don't care how lightweight they are or if they 'add a touch of colour', stop killing my summer you dolts.

"I think there should be some sort of law against imposing gratuitous ugliness on other people."- Hena, reviewing a summer outing