Sunshine Too Brief


All Contents copyright of
Tazzy at

I'm a self-absorbed Bengali-Torontonian;
Fish comes to me raw, wrappend in seaweed, not cooked in curry;
I love watching thunderstorms and rain;
Sad endings make more sense to me than happy ones;
I hate empty walls.

In the News

Craving of the week-
Dark Chocolate
Reading List-
Midnight's Children
Movie review(out of 5)-
127 hours- *****
Buried- ****
That Girl in Yellow Boots- **
Love of the week-
Seeing James Franco
Aim for the weekend-
Watch 'Going Postal' The Movie

My Novella: Samosa for the Arranged Souls

Introduction & Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapters 3, 4 & 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 6 continues

Chapter 7 & Epilogue

  • May 2004
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  • September 2004
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  • December 2004
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    Homesick...again....well always

    Congratulations Bangladesh in making it to the second round of World Cup Cricket!
    How encouraging it must be for the people in Bangladesh now with everything that was going on.

    Ofcourse being out in beautiful but totally dull West Coast, the excitement was only relayed via phone to me. Not one single person around me is watching cricket since I live in the non-Surry part of Vancouver and I only like cricket in theory.
    My parents apparently had a cricket party at their house with their friends on sunday, for the Bangladesh vs Barbados..err..Barmuda.. game. If that wasn't enough excitement, after the win, they got my brother to print out flags from the computer, stuck them on the dashboard and then drove everyone to Danforth to celebrate.

    Yes, your life just hits a new level of low when you parents are partying more than you.

    Oh well, atleast its nice to see my parents get their youth back...and kinda cute too.

    Speaking of Danforth- I'm really craving a bengali samosa i.e. Shingara these days. Don't get me wrong- Samosas are like EVERYWHERE in Vancouver. They are what Jamaican patties are to Toronto. But its not the real samosa- spices are not right and they are made from the frozen veg medley (peas, carrots) with potatoes. Where are the fried onion bits? The Five-spices (paach phoron) bits? I should have learnt to make it when I was living at home!! I'm going to this time. And strangely I'm even missing Ilish(only fish thats yummy in curry for me) bhuna with mustard seeds paste....with all the fish eggs! mmm
    Grossing you out?
    Now come and cook for me.

    Basically very homesick and counting down days till April 30th when I'm back in Toronto. I'm also planning a month's hiatus after exploration into the past sort of a thing. More on that on another day.

    Back to idiotic bioethics essay writing now.


    Killer Rabbit

    What Monty Python Character are you?

    Mean lil fellow, arn't you?
    Take this quiz!

    HAHAHA.......I'm pleased! Now run away you pansies.


    Celebrating this space

    It just realized its almost been three years that I've started this blog. What a loser eh?
    Oh trust me I've thought of ending it when I have clearly run out of things to say, lost any creativity I possessed or apparently pissed someone off. Where most bloggers I know have moved onto different spaces, made fresh starts on the blogsphere or just moved out of it, I have felt a strange attachment to it. Its not like I've written anything substantial in the 244 posts so far, but I'm fond of this new journal of mine. Probably speaks volumes about my pack-rat nature. I have kept the old (horror) hand written ones, so why not this one? I also (major embarrassing confession coming up) enjoy reading my old writings.
    Admit it- You do it too!
    With the hand-written ones, I have marvelled at the change in handwriting in my journals since I was a wee 11 year old and wondered what it means.
    I can't do that with this one. But I can trace some of the journey.

    All started in the late spring time of 2004 when I was a clever 26 yr old.
    Back when I wrote a post every other day and had something to vent about T-shirts and cell phones.
    This blog had been with me in my creative times with a paint-brush and my foray into political thinking, many manytimes.

    Ofcourse, no single, brown girl's blog is ever complete without venting about
    dating, marriage, and brown culture. But I also wrote about of various members of the family like my kid brother . My mother has made frequent short appearances.

    This was journal marked many important times (some only to me) of my life-
    when I moved out , met a ghost, went on a shopping spree, contemplated on
    old traditions, waved goodbye to dear ones, got sick , turned 27 and cooked for a friend

    2005 had some more rants about double standards or my disdain for golf, stopping only to,take mental pictures, review some movies and plays in Toronto.

    Then it was back in the never ending family drama of 'get married...come on get married' once and too many times. This resulted in the "Samosa for the Arrange Souls" series you can see on the right. I'm glad people liked it.

    Ofcourse some times, I reflected about my past , present and future.
    But most times I tried (in vain) not to think about being single but come up with crazy ideas, re-evaluations and go back to watching movies

    Its what I do, best.


    Happiness formula

    Being in an unknown city with few acquaintances and ample time away from work and school is good for reminiscing. I've realized that with all the recent disappointments in my life with school, uncertain work as well as a horribly failed relationship, some how I'm not entirely 'unhappy' now.
    I felt very sad for a few days, disoriented for the next few and now I'm in a ' oh well I guess that's how things are going to be' phase ...but not entirely unhappy. I used to go through extreme highs and lows in my teens, then for a period in my undergrad years I was extremely unhappy where I did some pretty stupid things that made me realize I am tired of being unhappy. I tried to rid my life of situations as well people that made me unhappy and not be so hard on myself to be good. I've been happy with my life since then.
    I don't know if I have some formulae now that will keep me moderately happy with life in the future, but I try to analyze what works (friends, family, pets, children, books, organized workspace etc ) or doesn't work (unkind people, risk taking, running away, hard work without results) for me and try different things (healthier eating habits, exercise, facing fears) every year to add the list of things that work.

    This woman has came up with a somewhat simile formulae to happiness in a Happiness Project that she is composing for a book. According to her, "to think about your happiness, you must think about FEELING GOOD, FEELING BAD, and FEELING RIGHT (or, in fancier language, positive affect, negative affect, and life satisfaction.) To boost your happiness, you have to think about all three elements and figure out how to increase your good feelings, decrease your bad feelings, and make sure you’re feeling right. "

    So I tested to see if its actually true and are there things that I did recently that fall into these categories.

    Feeling Good
    -Going to watch a movie that I've been meaning to on the big screen (Pan's Labyrinth).
    -Planning a break. This time, a visit to see Simica in San Francisco.
    -Buying pretty but inexpensive jewellery about once a month.
    -Talking to people with whom I can always be myself.

    Feeling Bad
    -Not calling people I love more often and not receiving calls from people I thought who cared about me, always makes me feel either guilty or I start to question my worth. Eventually I give in and make that call or email to reach the person even if they haven't made any effort. It pays off as I do hear back (from some) and it makes the day brighter even when the phone rings at 5 in the morning, as it did today from a close friend from mine from Kuwait.
    -My parent's nagging makes me really mad and then upset. But I try to pick my fights and laugh off the rest. Keeps me sane.
    -A while ago, the emotional distance from my sister who has been my best friend all my life, was very distressing. She was changing and so was I. The more time went by after she got married, the more difficult it became to reconnect to the point we could barely be in the same room. We finally had a big blowup one day last summer and brought out all the different issues we had with each other. It still took months after that to improve our relationship, catch up with what was going on in our lives and we made very conscious efforts to do so. It has been a very positive change and we are now close as ever and have a better appreciation for each other.

    Feeling Right
    - About the time when I started to feel more like a Canadian, I thought it fitting to learn French. It was language I was completely ignorant of as it was not a part of my school curriculum like Bengali, Arabic and Hindi were in Bangladesh and Kuwait. This felt strange because French was all around me. So in 2003 I took a 2 month Introductory French course with the 'Alliance Française' to familiarize myself with some part of this language. I still know little French, speak even less, but when I see French words its not completely alien to me and it gave me a sense of accomplishment. I do wish I stayed onto the next level to drill it into me better. Maybe I'll do that once I'm back.
    - I have always felt more like tomboy/geek and all my life I dreamt of having the poise, sophistication and grace of some girls I know. I'm still far from achieving all that but I took up Salsa two years ago to discover if I had a feminine side to me. Turns out- I do. I also used to think being feminine is equal being somewhat weak, but salsa taught me there is strength in it and it felt right to embrace it. And apparently, I'm not entirely bad at Salsa either! :D
    - Sports is not my strength. I have hated any physical exercise or activity. But even with years of dieting, interspersed with giving up, I had not managed to keep off the weight I lost for long. I finally had enough and joined a gym for the second time, by myself, a year and half ago. This time the aim was not to lose weight but to be healthy. My genetics will lead to some major health issues in the future and I know this. I tried my best to go regularly at least for 6 months and not think about the weight I lost- which was not much. I am still not at my ideal weight and I get lazy and avoid the gym for months. But what did happen was my apprehension about physical exercise disappeared. I now understand my own body better and feel like I control it more than it controls me. I actually like working out when I get around to dragging my lazy ass to the gym.

    So this turned into a longer and more candid post than I had imagined and I don't know if this means the 'Happiness Project' formula works or not. You can judge for yourself.
    But listing things is a very Taurus side of me and I helps me to move forward...a small step at a time.
    So thanks for listening eh? :)


    No life

    There are 266 movies on this list.
    SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 movies, you have no life.
    Lets see how I score shall we?
    Arranged by some kind of genre, here are 266 movies -

    ( ) Rocky Horror Picture Show
    (x) Grease
    (x) Pirates of the Caribbean
    (x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
    ( ) Boondock Saints
    (x) Fight Club
    (x) Starsky and Hutch
    ( ) Neverending Story
    ( ) Blazing Saddles
    ( ) Universal Soldier
    (x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
    (x) Along Came Polly
    (x) Deep Impact
    ( ) KingPin
    (x) Never Been Kissed
    (x) Meet The Parents
    (x) Meet the Fockers
    ( ) Eight Crazy Nights
    ( )Joe Dirt
    ( ) KING KONG
    Total so far: 11

    (x) A Cinderella Story
    (x) The Terminal
    ( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
    ( ) Passport to Paris
    (x) Dumb & Dumber
    ( ) Dumber & Dumberer
    ( ) Final Destination
    ( ) Final Destination 2
    ( ) Final Destination 3
    ( ) Halloween
    (x) The Ring
    ( ) The Ring 2
    ( ) Surviving X-MAS
    (x) Flubber
    Total so far: 16

    (x) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
    (x) Practical Magic
    (x) Chicago
    ( ) Ghost Ship
    (x) From Hell
    (x) Hellboy
    ( ) Secret Window
    (x) I Am Sam
    (x) The Whole Nine Yards
    ( ) The Whole Ten Yards
    Total so far: 23

    (x) The Day After Tomorrow
    (x) Child's Play
    ( ) Seed of Chucky
    ( ) Bride of Chucky
    (x) Ten Things I Hate About You
    ( ) Just Married
    (x) Gothika
    ( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
    ( ) Sixteen Candles
    ( ) Remember the Titans
    ( ) Coach Carter
    ( ) The Grudge
    ( ) The Grudge 2
    (x) The Mask
    ( ) Son Of The Mask
    Total so far: 28

    ( ) Bad Boys
    ( ) Bad Boys 2
    ( ) Joy Ride
    ( ) Lucky Number Seven
    (x) Ocean's Eleven
    (x) Ocean's Twelve
    (x) Bourne Identity
    (x) Bourne Supremecy
    ( ) Lone Star
    (x) Bedazzled
    ( ) Predator I
    ( ) Predator II
    ( ) The Fog
    (x) Ice Age
    (x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
    ( ) Curious George
    Total so far: 34

    (x) Independence Day
    ( ) Cujo
    ( ) A Bronx Tale
    ( ) Darkness Falls
    ( ) Christine
    ( ) Children of the Corn
    ( ) My Bosses Daughter
    (x) Maid in Manhattan
    ( ) War of the Worlds
    ( ) Rush Hour
    ( ) Rush Hour 2
    Total so far: 37

    ( ) Best Bet
    (x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
    ( ) She's All That
    ( ) Calendar Girls
    (x) Sideways
    ( ) Mars Attacks
    ( ) Event Horizon
    (x) Ever After
    (x) Wizard of Oz
    (x) Forrest Gump
    ( ) Big Trouble in Little China
    (x) The Terminator
    (x) The Terminator 2
    ( ) The Terminator 3
    Total so far: 44

    (x) X-Men
    (x) X2
    (x) X-3
    (x) Spider-Man
    (x) Spider-Man 2
    ( ) Sky High
    ( ) Jeepers Creepers
    ( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
    (x) Catch Me If You Can
    (x) The Little Mermaid
    ( ) Freaky Friday
    ( ) Reign of Fire
    ( ) The Skulls
    (x) Cruel Intentions
    ( ) Cruel Intentions 2
    ( ) The Hot Chick
    (x) Shrek
    (x) Shrek 2
    Total so far: 54

    ( ) Swimfan
    ( ) Miracle on 34th street
    ( ) Old School
    (x) The Notebook
    (x) K-Pax
    ( ) Kippendorf's Tribe
    ( ) A Walk to Remember
    ( ) Ice Castles
    ( ) Boogeyman
    (x) The 40-year-old-virgin
    Total so far: 57

    (x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
    (x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
    (x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
    (x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
    (x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
    (x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
    Total so far: 63

    ( ) Baseketball
    ( ) Hostel
    ( ) Waiting for Guffman
    ( ) House of 1000 Corpses
    ( ) Devils Rejects
    (x) Elf
    ( ) Highlander
    (x) Mothman Prophecies
    ( ) American History X
    ( ) Three
    Total so Far: 65

    ( ) The Jacket
    ( ) Kung Fu Hustle
    (x) Shaolin Soccer
    ( ) Night Watch
    (x) Monsters Inc.
    (x) Titanic
    (x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
    (x) Shaun Of the Dead
    ( ) Willard
    Total so far: 70

    ( ) High Tension
    ( ) Club Dread
    ( ) Hulk
    ( ) Dawn Of the Dead
    ( ) Hook
    (x) Chronicle Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
    ( ) 28 days later
    ( )Orgazmo
    ( ) Phantasm
    ( ) Waterworld
    Total so far: 71

    ( ) Kill Bill vol 1
    ( ) Kill Bill vol 2
    ( ) Mortal Kombat
    ( ) Wolf Creek
    ( ) Kingdom of Heaven
    ( ) the Hills Have Eyes
    ( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
    ( ) The Last House on the Left
    ( ) Re-Animator
    ( ) Army of Darkness
    Total so far: 71

    ( ) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
    ( ) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
    ( ) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
    (x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
    ( ) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
    ( ) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
    ( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
    ( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
    Total so far: 72

    (x) The Matrix
    (x) The Matrix Reloaded
    (x) The Matrix Revolutions
    ( ) Animatrix
    ( ) Evil Dead
    ( ) Evil Dead 2
    ( )Team America: World Police
    (x) Red Dragon
    (x) Silence of the Lambs
    (x) Hannibal
    Total so far: 78

    ( ) Battle Royale
    ( ) Battle Royale 2
    ( ) Brazil
    (x) Contact
    ( ) Cube
    ( ) Dr. Strangelove
    ( ) Enlightenment Guaranteed
    ( ) Four Rooms
    ( ) Memento
    ( ) Pi
    (x) Requiem for a Dream
    (x) Pulp Fiction
    ( ) Reservoir Dogs
    ( ) Run Lola Run
    ( ) Russian Ark
    ( ) Serenity
    (x) Sin City
    ( ) Snatch
    ( ) Spider
    (x) The Sixth Sense
    (x) The Village
    ( ) Waking Life
    ( ) Zatoichi
    ( ) Ikiru
    ( ) The Seven Samurai
    (x) Brick
    ( ) Akira

    Total: 85

    Okay technically, I have seen endings of Kill Bill 1 and Kill Bill 2- does that count as one?
    Oh what the heck, I self-declare I have no life. YEY! :D

    And what about you?


    More resolutions

    Finally I have proper resolutions for this year

    1. Call my grandmother once a month (which has not worked so well yet, but it could all change),
    2. Talk less.
    For this I have recruited this random but obviously smart guy to drill it into me

    Yes Sir.

    The reason behind the resolution?
    Well if you knew me you'd tell me talk less too. But most likely I won't listen to you.
    Now I'm listening to the mountains of Vancouver.
    Sure, I liked the Rockies back in 2005 (who wouldn't) but I was also a little uncomfortable with their quiet and imposing presence.
    Vancouver mountains are no where as ginormous as the Rockies but they surround the city.
    I completely ignored them the first two months of my move to here. I was always waiting for a glimpse of the ocean that was active, ever changing and I love to hear the waves crashing.
    Then for the next two months, I noticed the mountains and I hated them. They were perfect reminders that I was in freaking Vancouver instead of Toronto!
    In the last two months, I started observing that mountains change too depending on the clouds, the position of the sun and somehow my mood. They are more than spectacular on a clear day and they grew on me in way that was different from the time when I hiked up the Banff mountain. Now I can't seem to get away from their presence. Everywhere I look they are there and seem to be saying so much more with a quiet presence. They have taught me about patience and resolve and humility, in a different way from the ocean. I love them both now.

    (here are a pictures to show you what I was seeing..not I hate lugging my giant camera with me)

    Now if only the mountains offered a 2 month intense course to teach me to 'shut the eff up' I would be set. The nitty gritty of listening without comment and 'think before you open you trap hole' would be so beneficial.

    I guess I'll have to find a way to do so on my own for the next two months.

    (was that a suitably schizophrenic post for you? yeah me too)

    The good thing is that I'll be returning to Toronto soon since the UBC thing didn't pan out. It was a risky thing leaving a steady job and friends and family but I wanted more and I wanted to feel like I had done as much as I could before I turn into an old maid.
    Once I got over the disappointment of not doing my Masters here, I figured its probably for the best.
    I don't belong here.
    Vancouver is a beautiful city with its own quirks, but if you are not a outdoorsy, hiking, biking, Frisbee playing person its quite 'dull'.
    Not sure what I'll be doing in Toronto once I'm back, but I'll be back to a city I love and among the civilized smog and black-iced streets like proper human beings should damnit.
    Meanwhile, I have a feeling I'll miss the mountains no matter where I am.