Objective: Black Eyed Peas........eeeeee....eeeeee Black eyed Peas. What are they?
The Song: My hump
"What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My love, my love, my love, my love
You love my lady lumps"
..........and so on
I must be getting old.
Thats the best you could come up with?
I need to lie down again.
What Tiggers do best
Thanks for all the lovely comments generated by the last post and inquiries about my long absence and general well being, people.
Mucho appreciento :P
"You didn't miss me. You really didn't miss me"
I'm getting dramatic in my old age. Wish I could blame it on ...errr...feminine woes?:P
Unfortunately its more generic- my laptop at home crashed.
But don't worry I reformatted it and didn't lose any files either..even the spam pop-ups warming me of viruses are back. GOODIE.
It was to be short relief however as my work computer crashed monday morning. Blue screen of death and everything except smoke rising from the machine.
Naturally I went from shock to apathy to staring at the wall and giggling to myself.....trying to convince everyone around me that we should have all gone back to the typewriter on Dec 31 1999, infact we probably should have never left the oceans in the first place. Atleast that way we weren't going to be reduced to cursing and pleading with a box of silicon and wires to give back the 6Gb of data that this blogger worked on for four months. Stop, I don't want to hear "You should have backed up" either.
The result: This erratic post that only reflects on how I've been this week.......bored to tears-bouncing off walls...generally driving everyone insane....and finally reduced to working weekends to get stuff ready for the conference in two weeks.
Woe is to be me.
Oh look! I have sheppard pie for lunch. :D YEYYYYYYYYYY
21st of October, 5pm: So...like...ohmygawd....my...like..totally favourite holiday...well not so much a holiday yet..but it damn well should be.....what was I sayin'?...yes halloween is coming up people!
Just like last year....I'm totally....like...bummed about what to wear eh?
First I was thinking..."Tomorrow" "I'll go chop up my curtains and make a dress out of it, Tomorow"
Then I'm like...man..I'm gonna be so hot in all that clothes and shit. Thats not the kind of temperature a 'single phat girl like me' should be raisin anyway.
I know! I should wear red!
Or White! Then I'll be the sweet innocent girl among all the wanna-be-ho'es at the parties
Oh yeah ! I'm so smart. I know so many ideas!
28th of October 5pm: Shite shite mother-fcuking-shite its three hours before the party! and the stupid drugstore is even out of Witch hats! Who does that? huh!
Okay I'm calm.
I have the perfect outfit!
Oh I'll be so hot..I mean... cool :D
PS: Save me with your suggestions!
Everyone everywhere have obviously heard/read/witnessed the Earthquake in Pakistan and India by now so I'll leave further reporting to the experts.
The blissfully unaffected of us can only send our sympathies and appeal to everyone around the world for donations and hope for its fair dispensing among the displaced and needy.
Tears are useless.
So I can only do the next best thing- get mad.
Mad at the "Tsunami/Katrina/Bird flu/Earthquake is an example of the wrath of God. We are paying for our sins" comments that everyone keeps mouthing around me. Is there anything more insulting to the dead and the survivors of a natural calamity?
I mean, why say THAT of all things?!
Would you tell a child who lost his arm in a car accident that 'he is paying for the fact that his dad scammed the government'?
Yes this has been a bad year from the start.
But why must every natural calamity or epidemic be some form of ' sign from God' or a sign of the 'end of the world' ?
The reasons behind a earthquake or a hurricane or a flu pandemic are very scientific and predictable only proving the effective creation of God (if you like). He created a system that runs on its own. People must still have a 'throwing thunderbolts from the clouds' image of God if they think He is making everything bad happen.
You'll have to be stupid not to realize that your God might have created the 'greatest' being in the universe but not necessarily the 'physically strongest' one.
Yes, they are somewhat intelligent but probably not much if some of them could be fighting over a piece of land for about 60 years only to have everything constructed on it destroyed by that same land shaking itself out.
Thats what struck me about what happened in Kashmir.
Few people of any region in the world could be more misfortunate than the people of Kashmir right now , be it the Pakistani one or the Indian one.
Oh I can't even begin to write up the idiotic reasons behind the India-Pakistan war over the 'Paradise on earth that used to be Kashmir' ..("We can't give up Kashmir, our map will look like its lost its crown", said one Indian I spoke to once) ...or Kashmir's own war of independence which just keeps getting subdued!...go look it up yourself...I'm going to have a lie down.
I'd like to think I'm only a mildly paranoid person.
i.e. I never fail to say 'inshallah'(God willing), outloud or in my head, when making plans; even though I'm not ...errr... religious.
I also try to think pessimistic thoughts when a movie/book I've been anticipating gets released because I'm afraid I'll jinx it somehow by hoping too much.
I always take my phone out while walking alone anywhere in, the relatively safe city of Toronto after 10pm anticipating a s_xual predator lurking around the corner, just in case.
You know.... the usual.
But lately with all thats going on around the world, I've realized that I might be a tad more paranoid than I thought.
or Am I?
Is it paranoia to think that Toronto would be the next place where a terrorist bomb will go off?
I mean, the logical people in the world DO know us as peacekeepers and non-supporters of war esp. the Iraq war, but the terrorist have not proven themselves to be very logical have they? Combine that with the obvious presence of Canadian soldiers in Afghanistan, no matter how peaceful the agenda is, has put us on the 'List' of that bearded-presumably-walking-undead lurker of caves.
There is a rapidly growing Muslim population in Canada which is great until you realize atleast one person you know has come in with a bogus refugee claim. As innocent as that reason might as just wanting a better life for your children, can we, in all confidence, not think that some might have a not-so-innocent agenda for being here?
Then we have the 'Islamic-schools' here most of which teach nothing of the multi-faith-multicultural-rapidly developing world that the kids are growing up in, but only the importance of correctly pronouncing an Arabic letter. Brainwashing anyone?
So, external or home-grown , the logical conclusion is that we'll be hit by terrorists.
At some point in the future.
That doesn't scare me as much as thinking of the after effects of such an act.
No doubt, like NY, Bali, Spain, London and Dhaka, Toronto too will survive and move on.
But how much do you think the dynamics of Toronto will change because of such an action?
We claim we are multicultural and show much less prejudice than our neighbours down south.
But are Torontonians tolerant enough?
Think back to the SARS scare of chinatowns across this city.
Heck, even my mother stopped buying fish from the Chinese stores in mississauga when her own daughter was working in a hospital that was treating SARS patients!
Where was logic and tolerance then?
But back to the future.
I would hope that neighbours will not resort to punching out a 'Muslim-looking-man' in the back alleys following a terrorist attack.
Some anti-Islamic graffiti, for sure.
Possibly a lot of dirty looks flung to anyone 'Brown' looking accompanied by the 'most widely used word since 2001' - "Terrorist" at even the most nonMuslim looking women showing legs upto the armpits.
At which point, you'll need to repeat to yourself "Words will never hurt me" "Words will never hurt me". .....and thats probably true.
But at the end of if all, will I be able to continue loving this city? calling it mine?
After 9 years, I've already gotten used to explaining the religion at every corner and I've even stopped getting mad at the obligatory "No, where are you really from?" question from peers/random strangers, but can I survive being made to feel like I don't belong in this city? this country? that I'm not a worthy citizen? that I should ''Go back to wherever the hell I came from"?
Even as I sing "I will survive", my heart will probably be chipped forever.
omg what a find!
There is a god.
I come home from the gym all pumped with 'weight loss eagerness' and start on a soup for dinner.
Only it turns into this brocolli flavoured spicy thick broth and boils like something in a witch's pot.
I had to add some worms,.....i mean pasta to make it interesting.
Then the refrigerator god blesses me and I find this yummy spinach-bhaji and okra-bhaji-with-tomato dish that I absolutely love in a container at the back of the fridge that presumably my mother had packed for me three weeks ago!!!!!!
Heated over a fry-pan and spooned over a tortilla bread and I'm a happy kitty :D.
Then I read Sim's post.
Poor ducky stuck in Halifax.......wish I could mail you some naan and paneer makhni from 'Bombay Bhel'.
Million copies sold so far...
Two most important things about life in the 21st century have to be - Time and Weight
They are a measure of success almost. You are still living in the stone ages or in the 'barbaric' East unless
a) you always look/sound busy with no time to chitchat
b) and are concerned about your weight
Its no wonder that the most 'expensive improvements' have been about managing both.
-All of the technological advances now are to organize your time. Imagine yourself, if you will, at the hip drinking hole in your neighbourhood and using this line "You are hot. Can I have your number to save it on my TGTST (Tiny-Gadget-Thats-Smarter-Than-Me) while using it to pay for your drink and listening to the 'Slate' news interspersed with the 1000 songs that I have saved on it?" and see if it works. Face it people, no amount of microchips will help you get organized or be on-time or reach orgasm. Okay scratch the last one.
-Much if not all of the non-fiction books on the other hand are for 'weight loss'. There is a plethora of tips/guidance/scientifically proven methods to follow-
...Low carb, no carb, high protein, high fat, low fat, fatfree, 7day, 30 day, 60 day, life style change, high intensity, yoga, free weights, aerobic training, pilates, positive hypnosis, sorcery, hodoo....list goes on
And you know what? I've done about 95% of them all. As have every women I know and some men too.
Weight loss plans are like religions to me.
Each one boasting its own virtues and the evils of the others.
Each promising a lifetime of happiness and dreams come true.
For a while, you believe them.
They seem to work.
You feel happy enough to slip out on a few 'regiments' and commit a few minor 'lunch-outs' sins
Eventually you slip far back into the atheist phase of 'screw you all..I'm just gonna be happy as a fat person.'
Then trouble arrives in the form of a cute intern at work, a slimmer old/new friend, a upcoming wedding and you are ready for penance.
You'll do anything to buy yourself a 'thinner you all in 7 days' and purgatory i.e. the latest plan on the news, is looking pretty good with all the revisions and flexible meal ideas.
So you convert.
You gleefully spread the word around while knowing deep down in your heart that sin is staring at you across the isle in a box of chocolate transfats and oh does it ever taste sweet.
Moral of the day: The only way to be really successful and civilized is if you can sell your 'weight loss' idea for a million bucks and lean back with all the 'saved time' from not having to work and play 'push this stone around' game on your newly purchased organizational gadget.
Samosa for the Arranged Souls Part VII
Part VII: The Discussion
Whether you have participated in the 'meeting of the prospective partner' or just received the 'Hello-you-don't-know-me-but-my-mom-thinks-I should -marry -you' calls, inevitably you'll be made to sit down with your parents to have the a post-date-discussion.
Here is a typical conversation over 'chai and samosa' at home
(SL=Sacrificial Lamb i.e. the legal aged Child and DP= Desi Parent):
DP:"Sooo beta...what do you think?"
SL: "Erm, I just spoke to him/her once and for 5 minutes. I don't know. He/she seems ok."
DP:"Well I spoke to him/her aunt's sister and she says that the family is very keen. But of course its upto you. We just want to know what you thought. "
SL: "Weeeellll. He is a little short/she seems a little too young"
DP:"Oh thats not a problem. Without your high heels on, he is almost as tall as you/when she puts on some weight after marriage she'll look older"
SL:"O-kay. But he has only been here for 6 months, he is a little too traditional for me"
DP: "He seems perfectly ok. You are just too picky. You don't like anyone"
SL:"Mom thats not true. You said the first guy smelled! And the second guy he lives all the way in New Orleans AND I only hung up on him because he said career women don't make good wives. Do you WANT me to stop being a doctor?"
DP:"We are not saying that but you have to decide soon. You are getting older. We have to answer to the society too you know"
SL:"Just what I need. The society deciding who I should marry. No thank. Can I atleast see him/her on my own again? Without-mom-trying-to-picture-us-at-the-temple?"
DP:"Okay okay. Only once. Then you have let us know"
So after going through all these MAM introductions, some are allowed to continue onto second dates or more involving phone conversations , peppered with updates to family.
Some of the 'arrangements' fall apart and you are pulled back into earlier chapters with renewed vigor from your parents.
Eventually the SLs do get married.
Some even fall in love.
Some lucky ones even stay together in love.
"What? How? Why", you ask!
Well, it probably has something to do with
a) 'fear of commitment' and
b) 'aspirations for intimacy'
- Little of the a) and A Lot b).
Combined with the chance that attractions can crop up in first meeting, some decisions almost seem pre-made.
If someone is seriously ready to settle down and he/she is being MAMed, its not unlikely that they'll find 'the one' with MAM.
If family is important to you and you want to marry into a family that gets along with yours- MAM works! Generally.
"I liked how he was a strong but a kind person from the first meeting. He wasn't a player and he knew how to involve my family in everything. Yes I'm not in love with him yet, but I can see myself with him. And that's good enough for me. ", gushed the 25 year old newly engaged Amrita.
"But what of love? and You don't know everything about him", piped in the 17 year old cousin of Amrita at their engagement ceremony.
"I'm happier with a companion who respects me. . And you'll never entirely know a person anyway, doesn't matter how long you are with him/her", Amrita sensibly answered while rearranging the folds of her saree and then walked towards her partner-to-be amongst a gathering of people, everyone of whom has claimed a hand in 'arranging the match'.