Rereading Jingo and came across this quote....almost died laughing.
"They say they want a soulmate and helpmeet but sooner or later the list would include a skin like silk and a chest fit for a herd of cows."-- (Terry Pratchett, Jingo)
Its true. Talk to somone over the age of 20 for five minutes and invariably you find yourself talking about the qualities about his/her partners/future or prospective partners. If its someone of southasian origin and going the 'arranged way' - this basically means the 'boy/girl' his/her parent's think will qualify as a 'catch'. Much as they like to huff and argue otherwise, men out there have it easy. They have simple requirements- if the girl is good looking and/or she is giving some out (don't deny it, a guy will follow a girl to any alter with 'the possibility of s_x in near future' dangled as a carrot/celery etc). Its more complicated for girls...or we deliberately make it so. Quite fascinating to hear are all the requirements we girls try to put forth for prospective life partners....much of which are self contradictory. Some of the ones I've heard so far-
"He has to be bangali and good looking" - eenggggh. bengali guys are not good looking
"He has to be extremely rich and educated" - umm a degree is not necessarily the path to riches or vice versa
"He has to be western enough to not embarress me in front of my friends but eastern enough to pay for everything/get along with my family etc"- this is a biggie for most.........and equaly impossible to detect in the first 10 meetings.
Many people (read mothers/aunties) will tell you that finding a combination of all of the above, is next to impossible and accuse you of being too damn picky.
Excuse me! Its not a piece of furtuniture I'm picking; its choosing a someone who'll share your house, your bathroom and if he is good at it- your bed, FOR LIFE , not to mention will contribute to the genes of your future kids. You have every right to take your time.
What's sad is when people don't. From many of the relationship I have seen start and end, its seems, to me atleast, that people don't really weigh in their decision to date/or even marry someone. They let their hormones and/or need for a companion/security/freedom take over, proclaim 'oh I'm in love' and pick/shack up with someone that they are clearly at odds with to begin with.
If I could, on hand, count the number of times I've heard people cite the excuse of ' religions/cultural/economic differences' for a break-up, I would have to grow extra limbs.
For gawd sake why did you choose him/her in the first place!
If you hate smoking, don't date a smoker and expect him/her to give it up for you just because they love you.
If you don't have the courage to cross barriers or stand up to your parents, don't waste your friend's time, moaning about unrelinquished love.
Love is not fucking blind- you are....not you, the person behind you. :)
Now before you all (and i know the ones who will) rush to comment on how 'bitter' all of this makes me sound, hear me out. Ready?
I'M NOT BITTER.
Naively optimistic perhaps, not bitter.
I don't hate all men. I hate a lot of women too! lol....... like the stupid ones who want to be lead around by their men and the scary ones who string men along with games and false hopes.
I'm not shopping around waiting for the 'perfect man' either- only because there is nothing called perfect.
I've met reasonably compatible men (okay fine, two of them, but still) , you know the quiet-honest-smart-interesting sort with (as my friend Ayesha would say) definite 'possibilities of progress' . And I'm not talking crushes. I'm talking about the real deal. eeeek not the sexual kind either.
Anyway as I was saying, the fact that they happen to be committed ..to someone else...when I met them, is obviously not my fault or bad karma.
We women outnumber men these days after all. :)
The point is.......fuck whats the point again?
ahem......surely being 26 and single doesn't mean I'm 'on the shelf' , on the counter maybe, not shelf. hehe.
PS: update on last post, no accidents on the salsa floor......serious crush on two of the guys there though. :D