High above the mountains
*Random thoughts on a plane*
There are three remarkable thing about flying-
1. Sunrise and sunsets last longer and are more spectacular because you are seeing it from above and under the sky...All at the same time.
2. Even from 60,000 feet you can see the horizon, which means two things
a) You are quite high above the ground
b) You are not high enough to escape it
.......kind of like Life, I think.
3. If you are bored of the remarkable science of flying and the cramped quarters only enhanced by crappy movies on small screens, you have lots of time to think as you are, in a manner, suspended in time zones. I just take it as 'Time stood still for me'. Pretty self-centered of me but it works. Flying is one of the few times I'm thankful for being short.
So I think.
Where am I coming from and where am I going?
Metaphorically that is.
Well I've come from beings naive, trusting, depressive, logically romantic "you choose whom you love and love is great", suicidal, angry, impulsive 18 year old to........a
...... still naive, even more trusting, romantic "love chooses you and its great", self-assured but still highly self-deprecating, less angry, impulsive 28 year old with a renewed appreciation for living and a self-diagnosed borderline personality disorder.
My first inclination, faced with a wall, is still to flee. But now at least I'm not thinking of escaping from life altogether. It took years to see 'the light' and ended when I stopped being afraid of living. I starting doing everything I was scared of and saw things I never imagined...which got me thinking about all the other things I haven't experienced....now I'm determined not to miss out.
I guess I'm proud of myself in that regard and also the people who love me and stood by me.
But these days I wonder about my restlessness.
Is it only a product of the 21st century?
In an interesting Spanish movie i saw at the VIFF (Vancouver International Film Festival), 'Obaba', the protagonist asked her lover why he stayed, at the same city of a few streets perched on a hill, all his life instead of traveling out like everyone else. His reply was, "Why should I leave? I'm happy here. This is home to me."
For some reason that reply stayed with me for days.
Is that all we are searching for in life?
Or is it just the 'how can there be better things out there' thinking of a 'frog in a well'?
I used to think and still do, that to achieve something in life you have to explore by writing out a new course. Nothing new gets done following a set path.
Not everyone thinks that way and they stay at peace.
So does that mean only a few go forth where there's no stability only to take a long road home?
Yes, it might be a sense of 'home' that we are all trying to achieve- either at a place, with a person or with an idea. But what is achievement anyway? What others think you should have accomplished or what you have imagined for yourself ? Either way, there's a lot of pressure.
And where does 'chance' fit into all of this?
Does it shape a lot of outcomes?
I'm beginning to believe in 'chance' if not 'destiny or fate'. I'm thinking that you could try and shape everything around you but 'chance' could very easily bend it out of shape and decide the outcome for you.
Its not necessarily a bad thing.
Sometimes its nice to be at Chapter's when you are not even thinking of buying a book and pick up a book at random from the '80% OFF Fiction' pile, take it home and find out it tells the story of your life. It makes you smile to yourself and then rush through the details just to see it end well.